kicking myself.

How can I be so stupid?

How could I've learned nothing in all these years?

How could I possibly resist those eyes?

How can I fall for it again?

Find myself in this oh so very familiar situation.

But no, I have learned. Not enough, obviously, but some things.

I won't let it spread. I won't be an ass about it.

I won't hold on to it. Quite the opposite.

At least I'm honest, with him and myself.

And I know better how to handle it.

And even if it got to be bad. And oh, it can be bad.

Even so, I'm good.

Have a routine to hold on to, have a number of distractions available.

Oh, but I have to admit, it feels so good.

To relax, to just feel it. To feel it again.

Damn, it feels so good.